I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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