Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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