burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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