I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The air was thick with penises
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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