There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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