My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
