your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is wine microwaveable?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
