i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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