I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
