I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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