Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
