This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
