Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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