Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every concussion has its silver lining
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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