Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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