went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
