oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
