mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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