My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
