eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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