tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
