Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
