porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
