please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
