The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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