I faked an abortion last night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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