there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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