I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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