tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
