Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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