i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
