Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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