So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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