i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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