Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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