I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
