Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I need moral support for this bender
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
