I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
