this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
