I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
