Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
