Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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