he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
