he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
