We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My ass is underappreciated
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
