I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
