Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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