I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
