So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it penis luge time yet?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
