if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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