i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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