***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
