If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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